missing cat

MISSING CAT
i hope life treat you well. i miss you, Manja. and daddy misses you too. a lot.

head over HEELS

 peep toe pump by schutz

a woman can never quench her thirst when it comes to shoes. count me in, too. my craving is usually seasonal. i used to go gugu-gaga over handbags, then it was dresses, then leather jacket, and now heels. and the cycle will repeat itself. i really hope my future husband can cope with the expensive cravings. lol.

here are some shoes which captured my attention today. if only i got the dough. *sigh*

Zang Toi Peep Toe Lace Pump with Metal Chain Florettes

GlamRockChic Vamp

ZU cinderella heels

ps/ my oh my~

not my forte

inilah mesin jahitnyer. klasik ok. kayuh sendiri. hilang lemak di betis. 

"ko ni, dah tuo2 pun tak roti nak menjahit"

ouch, mak. right on my face. haha. bukanlah tak reti sangat. basic basic tahu la kot, setakat kain terkoyak skit2 tu boleh la handle. tapi bile mak asyik dok sebut belajar menjahit, siap suruh jahit pakai mesin, mulelah gelabah. lol.

"takpelah mak, nanti adik belajar la." jawab saya.
"takyah belajar-belajar, toruih jahit langsir dapur tu." kate mak.

ya Allah, jahit langsir terus?????? agak gila arahan bonda tu. tapi mak ni kalo mengajar memang akan gune method yang agak diktator. beberapa hari lepas, mak panggil, terus ukur dan potong kain langsir. dengan selamba dan yakin, mak cakap,
"nah, duk kat mesin ni. mak ajar. ko jangan nak rosak mesin ni plak. jahit boto2, jangan undur2 mcm budak form 1 mak ajar dulu."
tu diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

terus teranglah, sewing is not my forte. it was never. but i guess, if that what makes her happy, then i have to sacrifice. mulelah sesi menjahit dengan mesin. benang tercabut la. salah pasang benang la, tersangkut la, macam2 la masalah. tapi mak sabar je mengajar. i guess, it paid off. i finished my 'jahitan'. langsir uols. tapi huduh la jahitan tu. tapi mak kate, takpelah untuk permulaan. kalo agak2 korang tgk langsir tu, mesti korang ckp, "budak darjah bape jahit ni?" but at least, i did it. and i did it my way.

ps/ nak tempah langsir tak? lol.

no caption needed

they will not stop praying for you. Insyaallah.

acid rain

it's raining. and the skies are slightly dark with shades of grey. there are no clouds either. i have this thing with a weather. it really affects my emotions. or is it just me who got carried away and refuse to be normal? every time it rains, my mood travels its way to sadness, especially when i'm all alone. all the gloomy thoughts, loneliness, death, series of failing relationship weave its way all over my mind. that doesn't sound so good eh? 

but i guess, those thoughts come and go just like a sneeze to me. one moment i'm at it, and after that, poof!. i don't want it to have those negative effects on me, especially when women are very delicate and sensitive creature. so i decided to treat all weather the same. i'm learning to love the smell of rain. treat its gloominess with the thought of serenity.so i guess next time around, rain or shine, bring it on. 

words

it all started with letters, formed into words and constructed into sentences. we go through the process, every day. we use it either to make or break communication. to start relationship and even to end it. words are harmless per se, i would say. you can read the dictionary from A to Z, nouns, verb, adjective, adverb, conjunction, preposition and it will not make any sense. but just like a puzzle, if you string words according to your purpose, every thing will come to sense. so, what's your words?

kids nowadays

1. they posted latest pictures on Facebook and the caption reads:
"please comment tau!"
"i am sexy ^%$&^$&^, i don't give a damn!"
"boys love me, girls hate me!"
"^&%^%$ you."

2. they said 'school sucks' and 'teachers are bossy'. they make fun of the big ticket in life, EDUCATION.

3. they swear too much, as an additional reference to number 1. they think swearing is cool and modesty is a fool.

4. gadgets are the symbols of social status. you got no smartphone? pack your shame and go.

5. social network is the REAL LIFE. emotional teen dramas with the same issues. boyfriends and girlfriends.

6. th3y Us3D w31rd La4gUag3s. got my point?

the truth is, i did not have the perfect school life. i'm a nomad. i moved around. i had hard time adjusting to new situations. but back then, we don't really have this social sickness and i wish i know why. so who or what can we blame? i'm not generalizing things and i'm sure there so many kids doing just fine. this is just my random observation on certain group of people. what i see and what i feel.

ps/ life was much simpler back then.

busy january

Hey, it's already end of January eh? woah~ time flew with the speed of a light. i've been neglecting this blog, which i have already expected before i even start to write a blog. i guess i was too busy to sit and word-painting. it was a truly busy January for me. busy (how many times i have to repeat this word?) with planning, shopping, get certain things done and lil bit of unnecessary stuff. coming to the end of January, i have four months before my BIG DAY. people keep on telling me, "wah, dah tak lame tu." and i responded,"lame lagi kottttttt." with the nervous tone. lol. just to ease my mind.

and no, i'm not working, currently. spending my days at home doing stuff i love. maybe this holiday is too long for me but i believe good things come to those who wait. i see no harm in waiting patiently. of course, it will be more fun to have some money in pocket and step into working world but maybe it is not the time for me yet. Allah has planned things for me and i just have to keep my faith in that.

but there are few reason why i think this long holiday is truly a pleasure. firstly, i got the time and pleasure with my family. making them happy when i put food on the table, laundry done, clean the house and so much more. those are the little things that count as 'pahala' if we do it for our parents. i'm happy to be collecting 'pahala' every single day. Alhamdulillah. because i know once i'm married, i will not be able to be as helpful to them as what i'm doing now. and this make me sad. i'd rather not work now than regret later for not being able to take care of them. even for a while. as i massage my mom's feet, she drop me a bombshell,"sedapnyer adik urut. nanti dah kawen tak dapat nak mcm ni dah" i didn't know how to respond with a word, just tears.

secondly, i have plenty of time planning and shopping for the BIG DAY. as my fiance who are always so busy with his work, he loaded all the planning to me. double the planning. lol. i took time reading stuff about marriage and wedding, making a budget and planning life ahead.

and lastly, i got the time to spend with my cats. Nabes/Kenap, Manja/PonPon, Sarip Dol, Sakai, Ong Gedek Gedek and Ashut. they are my bestfriends, seriously. life is more meaningful with their existence. Thank you Allah.

so even though i'm not working, my day is always full of new things and yeah, new menu. haha. God has given me more than i should deserve, so i won't be selfish to ask for more.
God bless.

ps/ Thank you again, Allah.

love always,
ruhil nadiah

of Angel and Twilight

vs

friends told me before, not once but countless time, that i'm not into overrated stuff. overrated movies, overrated fashion, overrated songs. or whatever overrated. see, now i'm overrating the 'overrated'.

i have tried to like things that i don't like for the sake of trying. maybe i tried too hard and it all ended up as a major failure. here's one them, i'm still in my best attempt to grasp the excitement when it comes to vampires.  the twilight, vampire diaries, to name a few.  i have watched the movies and the series and i think i have the right to judge, as an audience. i went to see the movie with my fiance, (my boyfriend at that time) and i ended up in my slumber party. but i did stay to see the credits at the end though.all seems fake to me. the protagonist wears a make-up so thick to evoke the vampires look, and that's where my annoyance towards vampires was born. everything and everyone in the story bites and it's like a food chain. it's the same plot just with a different sound track, i suppose.

honestly, i used to be gugu-gaga over vampires. once upon a time. a series called Angel featuring David Boreanaz as a vampire. but it was not or even close like the Twilight. the characters were varied, and David Boreanaz didn't even wear extra BB cream, foundation, and high-protein flour for the vampire  effects, the plots were filled with suspense, not so much of biting activity and the most important thing is, nobody really care about that series. i like the feeling of watching something that others don't even bother to take a glimpse of. it's the feeling of privacy.

i truly honestly understand why i'm not into it. people have different personal taste and everyone should stay that way. for example, i'm a die-hard fan of Lord of the Rings, i just don't get it why others find it ridiculous. i think it's the same feeling for the Twilight fan.

i have nothing against a fan of Twilight. they have rights to like what they like. it's not the fan i'm criticizing but it's the concept of the movie. vampires, now, are really not my cuppa coffee and i see no future in vampires in my upcoming movie list. but maybe someday i will (who knows), but not just yet. better luck next time, dude. i'm in no team, may it be Edward or Jacob.

ps/ just a little note to Edward, Jacob and Bella.
      "Edward, please use less make-up. less is more, you know."
      "Jacob, please wear your shirts. you are no Salman Khan."
      "Bella, work it out with your facial expressions. do it in front of the mirror"
just a random thoughts. lol.

love always,
ruhil nadiah.
 

mellow weekend

my weekend gonna be kinda mellow.
my fiance and his friend went to Medan
for short 'honeymoon'. without me. yucks.
hahaha. hope all is well there. i pray to
Allah to grant him safety. amin.
and i really hope he spend his leisure time to the fullest.
have fun, love. ruhil loves you.

there he goes with the fake smile. lol. (taken somewhere in Medan)

ps/ missing you already. 

the case of hijab: hump and lump

i started wearing my hijab when i was 14. i had an amazing dream which i rather not shared cause it's gonna eat up your precious time. i was blessed back then, able to gather my strength and fight temptation of changing my whole image as a Muslim woman. however, in the first few years i started to wear hijab, i was still, what people would called, 'jahil'. hijab with short sleeve or shirts that are too short showing the butt off, tight leggings showing the thigh, see-through shirts (yeah, seriously). i had no awareness of whatsoever of why Muslim women wear hijab. oh God, forgive me. but as i learn more about Islam, mixed around with good Muslim women role models, i've started to see the purpose. yes, i'm still not perfect now. every now and then, i still made mistakes but i'm glad i have that awareness. thank you, Allah.

now, i wear hijab with more appropriate attire. i kept reminding myself when i look into the mirror before i leave home. am i wearing it properly? is it too tight? i bombarded myself with various questions, to awaken the 'jahil-ness'. lol. and it works. 

one thing i realize nowadays is that, Muslim women in Malaysia wearing hijab in a very disturbing manner. especially the one with lump and hump that is too big on the top of the head or the one who make you look like a nun. yes, i've made that mistakes when i thought i can be more fashionable, but i realize that i have gone too far from the main purpose. so, i got back on the track. i decided to stay conservative at the moment and may Allah grant me strength. 

"Dua golongan ahli neraka yang belum pernah aku lihat ialah, satu golongan memegang cemeti seperti ekor lembu yang digunakan bagi memukul manusia, dan satu golongan lagi wanita yang memakai pakaian tetapi telanjang dan meliuk-liuk badan juga kepalanya seperti bonggol unta yang tunduk. Mereka tidak masuk syurga dan tidak dapat mencium baunya walaupun bau syurga itu dapat dicium daripada jarak yang jauh." (Hadis riwayat Muslim)

Wallahu'alam bissawab~ 

like i said before, i'm not perfect. i still make mistakes. and i really hope you (yeah, you) help me become a better person. don't let me drown in a pool of sins. amin. 

shades of pink and baby's breath

it was last week, my engagement day.
i'm fully blessed it all happened according to plan, thank you, Allah.
although, at the end of the day, both of us were drenched in the heavy rain,
i considered it as a blessed shower. bless us, Allah. bless us in so many ways. amin.

ps/ i love you, munir asyraf.

life after all that is done

wow. this space really smells like mold and mildew.
it's not that i've been so busy, my feelings just won't
let me blurt out something lame and cheesy.
so i decided not to write.
anyway, life after all that is done was pretty much the same.
on the plateau. no ups and no downs, thank God.
just brushing my skills in my office called kitchen.
talking to my cats as if they were human being.
managing laundry.. yadayadayada..
these jobs are monotonous. repetitive.
but i found blessings in between the jobs.
my mummy don't have to rush home just to cook for lunch,
my dad has a friend at home and my sister, erm, she should thank me for all
the housework i done. lol. just to see them smile at the end of the day is priceless.
just to hear them saying, "thanks for the lunch. we're full!" or
"what a great day! bile balik ade orang siap masak, kain siap lipat"
this is not to boast but to show others how easy to please your parents.
this is my ultimate satisfaction of the day.
and this is my life after all that is done.

my kind of Raya

Assalamualaikum..
MasyaAllah.. i just caught a spiderweb on my blog.
it's been a while. i haven't update in this small space given by the web itself. Alhamdulillah, life is great here at home. and yeah, i miss my Korea. but life goes on, as usual.

Raya was amazing. great time to catch up with family and relative but bad for the stomach. on the very first day of raya, my stomach had a culture shock. previous day i was a vegetarian and suddenly i am a beast. oh God, forgive me for this ugly behavior. but i was on my not-so-strict diet since then.

right after i arrived at my kampung, felt like i'm a superstar making a comeback. they haven't see me quite a while, so please don't try to imagine what sort of questions they shot at me. countless and repetitive. but, i was okay. it is normal. i would do the same thing if i were them too. and yeah, at my golden teenage, i still got my raya money. Alhamdulillah. but definitely not next year. lol.

Raya, is a great day to catch and patch things up with family, relatives, friends and loved one. i'm glad Allah gave me chances to celebrate raya this time around,  i have chances to ask forgiveness to others. but the best way to ask forgiveness is everyday, even through prayers with whomever you want. and forgive people before you sleep. who knows that it will be your last night alive.

p/s my raya was a blessed. i hope yours too.

love always,
ruhil nadiah~

the time has come

the time has come.
this will be my last night in Seoul.
but i had spent it wisely. surrounded with happy people. for the past few days, i had filled my time with laughter and tears. i went to the places i love the most and leave half of my heart there. the places will remember me, i hope. but i know that this is not a goodbye. this nice place will always has a spot right in my heart. i love you, Korea and all the lovely people. you will be missed. for sure.

ps/ Korea, you will remember me, will you?

love always,
ruhil nadiah

take it off

this is what happen when you don't read and you don't know but you act like you know everything. this program has been one of the most popular show in Korea. people, here and there, show their talents in so many ways. sometimes, in the most embarrassing and ridiculous ways. the controversial issue in this episode ( i haven't watch it live, though) has been circulating on the web. it portrayed Islam and Arab people in the most disturbing ways. i won't say more, you can watch and judge it yourself.

related to this issue, i have experienced somewhat similar perceptions for the past three years living in Korea. as a woman wearing hijab, i got so many perplexing and funny questions from Koreans; professors, friends, and even strangers. some of the questions are acceptable and some are... errr.. what should i say.. very provoking. i thank Allah for the patience He gave me explaining on why hijab is my choice. below are some of the questions and statements about my hijab:

1. isn't it hot? take it off, it's depressing.

my answer: yes, it's hot but i can handle it and i'm used to it, thank you. 

my heart: PLEASE, you don't have to feel depress for me. 

2. it's such a waste, you will look better without it. take it off.

my answer: i don't think it's a waste and i'm OKAY with it. i don't dress to impress people.

my heart: i want to look better for Allah during the Judgment Day and definitely not for you.

3. i don't think you have to wear it here, it's not like you are in Malaysia or anything. that's why you don't have a lot of Korean friends. they are scared of your image. (this statement was made by one of my ex-classmate. she's making a fool of herself)

my answer: i have to wear it and i like to wear it because of Islam. i didn't come here to make a lot of friends and i don't care if they are scared of my image. 

my heart: what is wrong with you? such a shame, you are doing you doctorate yet you are still amazingly dumb.

4. taxi driver: are you Muslim?

    me: yes, i am.

    taxi driver: i heard that when women Muslims marry they have to obey their husband and they will get beaten. so are you gonna be one of them? 

    me: what???????????????????????????????????????????

    

my heart: speechless. 

5.  i heard that Muslim women cannot have education and talk to other people (man), is it true?

my answer: errr.. i'm doing my masters now and obviously, i'm talking to you.

*one of the funny questions, but this man was honest. after that i explain to him a little bit about Islam.

6. "you don't believe in Jesus, you go to hell!!" 

this is not fictional or make-believe incident. happened to me few years ago while i'm in the train. this crazy man, came to me and said that and he held my shoulder hard and yelling at me. everybody in the train was so shocked and nobody did anything. it was very rude, ugly and disrespectful. i could have lost my patience and punch his nose but that would be too much. i wish i did. lol.

these are all just a few examples. some of it were very honest questions and i'm always more than welcome to spread the truth about Islam. and some of them, as you can see.. was as invitation to a nose-punch. but i can't blame them 100%. the media must have misled them about Islam. but what we can do now is to spread the truth and fix the misunderstandings. let's do that together!

ps/ ya Allah, you made me born into Islam, let me die in Islam. amin.

love always,
ruhil nadiah

time, treat me well, will you?

i have so little time but so many things to do, so many things to catch up, so many things to reminisce. i'm arranging my limited time to avoid regrets. but at the same time, i wanted time to spend on my own. to walk through memories. i love this place. seriously, i do. for the past three years, i have learned to go through pain and stand up again, learn new things, tolerate the intolerable, love the difference and explore new comfort places. here, i also learned to deal with heartbreak. here, i found the love of my life. here, i befriended nice people whom i called family. here, i get to know Islam in depth. here, i got the strength to do things on my own. here... changed me. physically, emotionally, spiritually in most unique ways. God knows.

yet, life goes on. it changes, just like us. so, i spend my last days in Korea, telling myself that everything will be okay. because there are so many amazing things await me in Malaysia. here, will be one of my best pieces of life and i know Malaysia offers so much more, Insyaallah.

before. three years ago.

oh yeah, few days ago.

*lol. not much different, i guess.

p/s: dear Allah, let me spend my last few days here wisely. time, treat me well, will you?

love always,
ruhil nadiah

Fattah, come back home, please.

she is more than just a pet. she's a friend, she's a doll, she's my baby and she's my family. i have been taking care of her since birth, since 2004. both of us had a wonderful journey. she always come back home at the end of the day. without fail. but last month, she did not make it home. all of the sudden. i have been missing her, and now that i'm going back home.. i would not be able to see her in front of my door steps. but i'm sure Allah has better place for her. may she be safe, wherever you are. mama miss u, Fattah. come back home, i miss you.

p/s: she's the mummy of all my cats. she is not from the high-breed cats, but she's the best! independent, caring, funny, adventurous, smart and amazing.

elemen-elemen dalam video klip

suddenly it hit me while i'm browsing youtube. i noticed something music videos have in common, in general. i noticed certain elements or patterns. video klip dibawah cume contoh. ade lagi, kene rajin skit je mencari. lol.

1) mesti nak gaduh atau berconflict time-time hujan. lebat plak tu. mungkin kegunaan payung tak dapat impak yang maksima terhadap penonton. kadang2 tu sambil nyanyi kot. nak nyanyi lagi, nak nafas dalam hujan lagi.

2) kalau vokalis pompuan nyanyi dan die berambut panjang, mesti nak ade effect angin. feeling2 windy skit. mase kecik2 suke gak buat depan kipas, tak tahu plak ade effect untuk industri hiburan.

3) lagu hiphop, scene nak kt club mesti ade sorang laki, pastu ade wanita keliling pinggang, budget2 hot. ade minuman kaler2. takpun dalam kereta sport tidak beratap. bawak laju2, ketawa riang nak slow motion.

yang terbaru ni agak horror skit:

4)  buat video klip kat tengah padang jarak padang terkukur. tibe2 tgh2 ade set drum dan sofa. biasenye artis kite suke buat. jenuh jugak nak angkut menatang tu. panas lagi. kental sungguh.

5) ade at one time, orang buat video klip ala2 alam maya. cukup tak gemar. nampak cam nak buat last minute. tampal background je. moyaa. tapi mungkin time tu abes canggih, jadi tak boleh nak salahkan jugak. tengok sudah.

so far, itu je kot yang saya notice. this is not to criticize, but just the things i noticed as an audience. who am i to judge. but at least we can see the patterns, right? macam dah ade certain standards untuk menjayakan video klip plak. art goes beyond border, it doesn't have its limit, so explore and do more (creatively)!

unnamed paintings

few days ago, i had a dinner with my best friend, Juna. we reunited after 13 years. no kidding. at first i thought, the reunion might be awkward since we've been disconnected for so long. but i was glad we managed to fill in the gaps with humors and old stories. and just like that we clicked!

she's an artist. an amazing artist i would describe. she paints with her own elements and create her own world on her canvas painting. she painted from heart and planted mystery in her painting. just like a word-search. it's there but you gotta find it. i saw all of her paintings. she showed my the pictures. i was mesmerized. i'm certainly not an artsy person but hers was different. the paintings were pure.

right now she's working on her paintings to get through exhibition in the galleries. i asked her the titles of some of her paintings but the paintings were unnamed. Juna wanted to let the audience decide for themselves. she wanted the audience to have a personal connection with her paintings. i think it's brilliant.

i wish her well.

this is Juna~